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Star-Studded April 20th "FAILURE" Event Making Local Wags' Heads Spin

CHICAGO, Ill. -- A who's who of world celebrities converging on Chicago to celebrate the pending April 20th failure of an anti-gay ballot initiative is causing a stir in local celeb-watching circles.

The black tie optional event, improbably being held on a street corner in the city (Halsted & Roscoe) at 7 PM that night, nonetheless boasts a star-studded line-up that's become the buzz of local gossip columnists and media junkies alike.

"We decided to forego any expenditure on a plush venue, and instead poured our entire mega-budget into getting top-notch speaking talent," said event organizer Bob Schwartz. "It's not every day that you have an event that boasts an invited speakers list that includes the President of the United States, the Pope, plus a cast of local, also-ran talent, including Illinois's own Alan Keyes."

Rounding out the stellar cast of invited speakers is Cardinal "Boy" George, Reverend Senator James "Two Titles" Meeks, Jim "I divorced my wife, but it's those homosexuals who are destroying marriage" Oberweis, and Peter "I butch it up in leather & whips only so that I can investigate the homosexual lifestyle, really I do" LaBarbera. A late edition to the line up is Arnold "I LIKE Girly Men" Schwartzenagger. The solemn event will also include a moment of silence for soon to be ex-Congressman Tom DeLay.

"We're extremely gratified that personages of such stature as the Pope will be taking time out of their busy scapegoating schedules to grace us with their presence," said Schwartz. "We had always assumed that these dignitaries were opposed to equal rights for Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgendered folks, and so it was a pleasant surprise to learn that they were clearing their schedules to help us celebrate the demise of Protect Marriage Illinois's ill-fated attempt to put an anti-gay referendum on Illinois's November ballot."

More information about the event can be learned by checking out the Presidential and Papal web sites, or by going to www.GayLiberation.org


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